Monthly Archives: December 2012

Sunday Night Bitch Session! Yeah!

It’s Sunday night.  Let’s have a bitch session shall we?

The topic will be pedestrians and cyclists in Seattle and the death wish they all seem to have.  Or maybe they’re all blind.  I don’t know.  I didn’t bother to check the stats.  What I do know is that I spend more of my vehicular traveling time in the Emerald City trying to not mow down one of these entitled fuckers than I do texting and driving.  I’m just kidding.  I don’t text and drive because that shit is for assholes.

Seriously though, what the fuck is going through the minds of some of these pedal pushers and heel-toe expressers?  STOP STEPPING AND STEERING YOUR ASSES IN TO ONCOMING TRAFFIC GODDAMMIT!!!

Thanks for this, Mayor McShwinn.  Because every cyclist in Seattle uses it properly and in NO WAY blows through red lights while in it.

Thanks for this, Mayor McShwinn. Because every cyclist in Seattle uses it properly and in NO WAY blows through red lights while in it.

I’m all for people who choose to walk or bike to get around the city.  You know, getting healthy, concern for the environment or a recent DUI. Whatever the reason may be for not wanting to be dry and comfortable while moving about this rain-soaked region, I’m behind it!  I support it!  But for fuck’s sake why can’t they look up from their goddamn phones for 5 fucking seconds when entering a city roadway???  It’s like they are either arrogant enough to think they have the right-of-way ALWAYS, or they believe more in their rights as pedestrians/cyclists than they do in the fucking laws of physics.

Heh.  This is funny because it's accurate.

Heh. This is funny because it’s accurate.

I get it.  We all have to learn to coexist and all that shit but there needs to be some reciprocation on their parts.  What are they doing to help coexist with my 6000* pound, gas guzzling, leather heated seat, luxury SUV???  Because I have totally been doing my part by becoming incredibly aware of the location of my fucking break pedal for them.

What about you, dear reader?  Is this a problem where you live?  Are you a driver?  A cyclist?  A pedestrian?  All of the above?

Cheers ~ SF

* I don’t know how much my vehicle weighs.  I could have googled it but I already googled images for this post soooo…..

** I shouldn’t be bragging about having leather heated seats because those things seem like they’re just good for causing yeast infections.

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Tell The Lady What She’s Won! (Heh. Lady. Me? AS IF!)

I can’t believe I didn’t win the goddamn Powerball because I am on a winning streak, Internets!

First, I entered some of my photos and a crappy Crayola drawing in the fabulous Mynx’s art contest at LizzardHappy.com and totally fucking won a piece of her amazing original art.  When I got the email from her saying that I had won I immediately texted my buddy P who had also entered some of her photos because we both decided that photography is totally art.  She texted me back that she had won as well and I was all like, “Fuck yeah, bitchez!  Photographers rule!” and then I went to Mynx’s blog and realized that everyone who entered won something because Mynx is hella awesome like that.  Then I pretended I never said that “Fuck yeah, bitchez” thing.

This is what she sent me and I fucking LOVE it, Internets.

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Thank you Mynx!  I am honored to have this in my home!

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Then, I left a comment on the hilarious blog GoJulesGo declaring my thanks for boxed wine so that I could maybe win some wicked-awesome Sun Stache glasses and I won that one too!!!  Because boxed wine humor always wins, you guys.  Always.

Behold.  The Awesome.

Photo on 12-2-12 at 2.11 PM

WHISKER GLASSES!!! (that’s me grooming my awesome fur hood with my ‘paw’) My husband says if I start crapping in a box the glasses have to go. He’s no fun at all.

Killer, right?  But I live in Seattle and it’s fucking dark up here you guys.  So I popped those lenses out and took this picture:

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Photo on 12-2-12 at 2.15 PM

The alien effect in the photo booth thinger on my computer really makes this photo, don’t you think?

As if the whisker glasses weren’t enough, the packaging they came in was totally worthy of some photos.  Jules, you fucking kill me!

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CHIPMUNK!!!

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It seems as though someone else enjoys some boxed wine as well…

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No, thank YOU for recognizing the lush awesome.

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Who doesn’t have stickers like that just lying around? Boring people, that’s who.

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Yes. Yes I am.

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Thanks Jules!  I love my glasses and in my ongoing attempts to get fired from my job I’m totally wearing them to work tomorrow!

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Now go check out the blogs of these amazing women.  You won’t regret it.  Swearsies.  And you can see a picture of my spectacular Halloween Pumpkin.

Cheers ~ SF