Monthly Archives: February 2011

Poorly Dressed Children. Blame the Parents.

So, uh……I’m uhh…..electronically…ummm…challenged…and I, uh, am not what most would, uhhh, consider computer savvy. 

OK, fine!  What I’m saying here is that my blog needs help.  It looks like shit and my feeble attempts to figure out how to pretty it the fuck up are embarrassing.  So, that being said, don’t blame my blog for being a hot fucking mess; blame it’s uneducated creator.

I thought I would take advantage of the weekend, when hardly anyone reads blogs, to try and do something about this shit, and now look.  Go ahead!  Look around and see just what I’ve done.  I was all proud of my efforts – for about a second.  Stupid apply to blog button. 

I sat here for a bit, after all of these ill conceived ideas for improving the look of my blog, were in fact applied to said blog and tried shoving my laptop under my shirt to hide the fact that I’m a moron.  Then, I remembered that I can hide my screen all I wanted but the whole interweb world could still see it.

So I made a cocktail, lit a ciggy, put my feet up on the table and said “Eh……who gives a fuck anyway?”

Happy goddamn weekend everyone.



More Than You Wanted To Know, I’m Sure

About a week ago, the lovely Kage over at one of my absolute favorite blogs, Sex, Sequins + Sociopaths, slapped me with an award.  I won’t tell you where she slapped me with it, but it was hot. 

She was all hopped up on something from the dentist because I’m not sure what the rules are.  There are always rules with these awards.  What?  No rules?  Ok.  You will get no argument from me.  I guess I’ll just slap seven other bloggers with it.  Or not.  I think everyone that I would give this to has already had it at least once, if not more than that.  So, all of those blogs over there on the left, they are all a bit of alright.  Check them out. 

What’s next…….

I also got tagged by the extraordinary Vinny over at As Vinny C’s It for a game of Twenty Questions Minus One.  What the…?  That’s just 19 questions.  Why are we calling it something more complicated than necessary?  Let me start again. 

I got tagged by the extraordinary Vinny over at As Vinny C’s It for a game of Nineteen Questions!  How exciting.  Let’s get this bitch started!

  1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are they members of your family? – Family.  But cooler than children because I can go away for a weekend and just leave the toilet seat open and know that they are ok.
  1. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be? – That one where Johnny Depp comes to have dinner at my house and saves that kid from choking  by giving him the Heimlich maneuver then carries me off to bed to ravage me.  Wait maybe that was a music video and not a dream.  Or maybe it’s both.
  1. What is the one thing most hated by you? – Bitches who fuck with my family.
  1. What would you do with a billion dollars? – Anything that I wanted and it wouldn’t even matter if it was on the very fringes of being legal because, hey, I’ve got a billion dollars.
  1. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood? – Cocktails and porno movies.  Just kidding!  Cocktails and my husband dancing like a monkey.  It’s a sight to behold.
  1. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone? – This is a tricky question.   It depends on the person you are trying to love.  Some people make it difficult to love them.  Ever had an addict in your family?  And some people you just don’t want them loving you; like your Sneaky Uncle.
  1. What is your bedtime routine? – Brush teeth.  Wash face.  Gather up the kitties.  Get under covers.  Make tent-blanket with knees bent.  Force kitties into tent.  Read.  Sleep.
  1. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner? – You can read all about that here.
  1. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be? – Bob Ross.  Shit.  I guess we’ve all seen that.
  1. What kinds of books do you read? – Right now I’m on an Anne Rule true crime extravaganza of the Kindle kind.
  1. How would you see yourself in ten years time? – Older.
  1. What’s your fear? – Living long enough to have to wear adult diapers.
  1. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space? – Fuck. No.  I think we’re wasting our time and money with this space exploration bullshit.  Humans are clearly not meant to be in outer space.  Have you seen that pee suction thing they have to use up there so that they aren’t floating around in a piss storm?  Gross. 
  1. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor? – Don’t try to trick me in to sounding shallow.  I’d divorce my husband tomorrow for that billion dollars we talked about earlier.  Wait, I meant to say, how poor are we talking?  Like cardboard box in an alley poor, or no Belvedere vodka poor? 
  1. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up? – Smack a cat.  For reals.  That bitch is usually the reason I’m awake before I have to be because she’s pawing at the window shades next to my bed looking for Squirrels.  It’s winter, Fatty!  They’re fucking hibernating!  **SMACK**
  1. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be? – If I could change anything?  He would not be a Radiohead fan.  Ish.
  1. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be? – Jezebel Van Buren.  No hesitation.
  1. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done? – That’s too vague.  Knock up a hooker?  Give me some time, I’ll get over it.  Put the easy-squeeze ketchup back in the fridge upside down?  Get the fuck out.  Now.
  1. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be? – Well whatever I choose I’m fucked because I’m clearly not going to be getting balanced nutrition.  So let’s pretend that what I pick has all the vitamins and minerals and healthy goodness and…..oh who am I kidding?  It’s macaroni and cheese.  Ok? 
Now I have to tag 4 other people for this.  Hmmmmm……
Rafa at The Rude Blog
Peter at Triton Cove
Dawn at Lighten Up
Man!  This post has taken a lot of time!  Copying and pasting and inserting links, whew!  Good thing I’m at work.

The Upstager

Since most of the comments left on my last post were about my Murphy dog, I thought I’d share some pictures of him taken recently with a few of our friends and some from when he was a puppy.  Enjoy!

Murphy is my 2 year old Irish Wolfhound.  He’s my buddy.  He is 7 feet long from nose to tail and weighs in at about 150 – 160 pounds.  He enjoys peanut butter, ice cubes, PBR, sniffing cat butt, scaring the pizza guy and long walks on the beach.  He knows how to sit, stay, and catch.  Because of his height, we stopped teaching him how to shake hands.  He kept nutting all of Bruce’s friends. 

If you would like to read more about these amazing dogs go here.

Looks like someone is getting a reach-around…

Murphy’s best buddy, Dario, over there on the couch.

Of course, he wasn’t always such a gigantosaurus…..

It seems like forever ago that he was this size.

He fit in that life jacket for about 2 weeks.

No making fun of my hair, I was on a boat for a few days.

He loved that dinosaur stuffy.

*sigh*……kids.  They grow up so fast. 


I’ll Take My Coffee In The Shitter, Thank You

What a wonderful little getaway Bruce and I had this weekend. Would you care to hear about it?  Well alright then!

When Bruce and I decide to take trips there usually aren’t any definite plans involved.   It’s more like an idea that sets us off in a direction, then we just see what happens.  It’s worked well for us so far.  It’s how we ended up living in Seattle, after all.

The idea this time was to head out to the coast.  The last time we went to the coast we went south.  This time we decided to see what was north.  I perused a map or two and decided La Push (saying that makes me giggle…I don’t know why) was a good idea.  The pictures online were stunning.  Olympic National forest, Port Angeles, Forks and Lake Crescent were all places of interest on this journey.

It started out on a ferry from Edmonds to Kingston.  It was a bit windy……

….and I was the tiniest bit sea sick but I managed not to honk all over the place during the crossing. 

Lola, our gps thinger, seems to think our truck could drive on water.

Your name is Lola, not TomTom.

After the crossing and down the road a bit we stopped to let The Murph out for a potty break and saw this little fellow and just had to take his picture.

Let me explain.  My husband has dreams of becoming a gold prospector.  He figures he will need a donkey.  In his gold hunting fantasy he has one with gold teeth, wears tons of gold chains and has gold hooves with spinners.  His name is Bling-Bling. 

After this we stopped in Port Angeles and grabbed some lunch then continued on our merry way.  After about an hour or so we found La Push.  It was, in fact, quite beautiful.

It was sunny but it was a little nippy so we headed down the road to Forks.  Yeeeaaaahhhhh……about Forks.  I was well aware that those Twilight books and movies were set in this town, but I had no idea how far they ran with it.  Of course I should have known what we were in for when we saw a gaggle of teenage girls having their picture taken in front of the “Welcome to Forks” sign.

This shit was everywhere.  Tours?  Really?  The town has a population of, like, 12 and it’s about 6 blocks long.  Where are you taking “tours” to?  It better be to a Hollywood sound stage with a stop over in a place I like to call reality.  This picture was taken through the window of our moving truck as we hauled ass out of there, heading back to Port Angeles to find a hotel so we could wash the shame of this place off of ourselves.

Of course, being non-planners, we had no hotel reservations.  All we could hope for was a place that had a vacancy, allowed pets and wasn’t $200 a night.  This is what we got:

Murphy seemed to be fine with it.  But then again, Murphy is color blind….

….and doesn’t watch TV….

….or care that the coffee service is located in the shitter, behind the door.

Since Murphy seemed to like the room, we left him there and wandered down the hill to find a place to have dinner.  We found a little pub first and had some cocktails and conversation with the lovely bartender, Mary.  It was kind of quiet and there was only one other person bellied up to the bar a few seats down from Bruce.  At one point this portly fellow randomly decided to share this with Bruce: “I worked out three days ago.”  To which Bruce wanted to reply, “You probably shouldn’t have stopped.”, but he didn’t.

We grabbed some dinner at a nice little cafe then headed back to the hotel.  We had left the TV on with the hopes that as it “warmed up” the picture would improve.  Good thing we did that, because Purple Rain was on…..

Yeah…..this is much better.

The trip home was pretty uneventful.  Well, with the exception of the US Border Patrol that seemed to be following us for so long.  What?  Did they think we were smuggling a truckload of Canadians back to Seattle for our lawn care business??  Oh…..wait….wrong border. 

Our cargo.


I Need This

Headed to the coast for the weekend.  Catch ya in a few days.


La Push

Go ahead….giggle.  I am.


Stupid Blinking Cursor

I had the best intention of giving, at least, some sort of half ass post this evening.  Fatigue, mental exhaustion and the need to just collapse into a heap have derailed my efforts.  I have things to tell, my friends.  Things to tell.  Let me get through tomorrow, rest a bit on Saturday and I’ll be all over it.  I may even have photos.  That I am in.  Maybe.


I Think I Just Had an Entire Day of Sin! (as in one of the "deadly" ones)


Today was a rare day for me.  I had a Saturday off from work.  A day off with the Hubs to do whatever we wanted to do!  Go up to the mountains, take the Murph to the dog park, walk around Fisherman’s Terminal or just get out and do something….anything, together!  It’s a Saturday; together!!!  Oh the things we can do!

You want to know what we did?  Do you??  Are you ready for this??

Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I didn’t even wake up until after 9am.  I stayed in my jammers (pj’s) until 2:30 in the afternoon.  The only reason I put on jeans and a sweatshirt at that point was to make myself feel a sense of productivity and accomplishment.

The weather was a fuckin’ pisser here in Seattle today, so it really wasn’t my fault that I never even stepped outside today.  Right? 

No worries.  It was a good day.  Bruce and I closed the curtains, (literally) watched movies, ate way too many peanuts and commended ourselves on being such lazy asses.  We also patted ourselves on the back for the wicked amount of peanut shells and husks that now cover the living room floor like a Texas Roadhouse restaurant.  It was awesome.

Tomorrow begins a six day stretch at work with some crazy fucked up hours.  (Thanks Microsoft!)  I will try to squeeze in a post  at some point; if I don’t lose my mind first.  That being said, I cannot really be held responsible for what I write here if given one spare moment that doesn’t involve heavy after work drinking to calm my frayed nerves, or just good ol’ sleep.  Or sex.  With the Hubs.  If he’s  I’m lucky.  I’ll let you know how it all works out.