For those of you that have blogs of your own, you know how entertaining it can be to check out the terms and phrases that people type into search engines that lead them to your blog. Is some crazy shit, no? For those of you that do not have blogs, keep reading and I’ll show you how crazy people and TheGoogle are.
Internets, I give you my favorite search terms that somehow led people to my little piece of insanity on the Interwebs in 2011. Enjoy and Happy Fucking New Year!
~ touchdown jesus falls in pond This is so many levels of awesome I just had to research what this person was looking for. You can read about Touchdown Jesus here or if you’re too lazy to go clickin’ and readin’ I’ll just tell you that Jesus rises from the earth just north of Cincinnati on I-75 next to Traders World Flea Market because, of course. But who wouldn’t want to read about a 62 foot Jesus? And read about said 62 foot Jesus getting struck by lightning? I still don’t know how the hell that search term brought someone to this blog.
~ Gruppensexfilm Not here, my friend. Not here. OK, here but it was just that one time. Don’t tell my mom.
~ Purple panties Kerr-ist. You put one picture of your purple undies on your blog and the internet pervies keep landing on your site.
~ cunty whores I know what happened here. These people were mistakenly directed here when they were obviously looking for this woman.
~ fuck now suffer later What the what?
~ i need sugar handjob OK, this just sounds painful. But who am I to judge where people need exfoliating.
~ donkey down the road How did this search term lead someone here? How??? And what does it mean??
~ bloody soup with sugar You scare me, crazy Googler.
~ are nipples appendages No. In the anatomy of mammals, a nipple or mammary papilla or teat is a small projection of skin containing the outlets for 15-20 lactiferous ducts arranged cylindrically around the tip. The skin of the nipple is rich in a supply of special nerves that are sensitive to certain stimuli. The physiological purpose of nipples is to deliver milk to the infant, produced in the female mammary glands during lactation. source (You know I’m not capable of writing a paragraph about nipples without using profanity and/or the tee-hee-hee humor of a 7 year old. Of course I copy-pasted.)
~ “crystal gayle” “bra size” I don’t know, Google it. Oops. That’s how you got here in the first place.
~ what is there to do as a nudist in vancouver bc First thing you should do is question why you’re in Canada in the first place. Because come on, it’s fucking Canada.
~ i love dad but farts ?????
~ bed panties Are you looking for purple ones? If the answer is yes, then you’ve come to the right place.
~ how awesome i am Me? I’m pretty fucking awesome.
~ learn how to read thoughts Be careful what you wish for, Googler. Do you really want to know what someone like this is thinking?
sexy pony 69 Words. I have none.
house plants I shit you not, Internets. This was at the top of the list for search terms that brought people to my blog. HOUSE PLANTS!!! FUCKING HOUSE PLANTS!!! I have lost so much faith in The Google. Seriously, that shit is totally ruining my street cred. House plants…….fucking Google…..
Well I think that’s enough of that. I should probably knock this shit off since I’m on my work computer. What? I think we all know by now I do very few work related activities while I’m at…errr….work. Shut up.
Cheers ~ SF
*click images for source