Monthly Archives: April 2012

The Best Laid Plans. (and some other shit)

In my last post I said I was going to take the time to make some changes in regards to this blog and how and when I update it.  Well I accomplished the writing space thing.  It’s pretty fucking awesome you guys.  Then that very same day my laptop took a shit on me.  Really, Universe?  REALLY?

Da fuck?

I do have my tablet but there is no fucking way I’m attempting to edit photos and write the eloquent and insightful wonders that you come here for on that tiny thing.  Not fucking happening.  So Bruce’s friend who is a computer sorcerer looked at it and reported the problem back to me but I don’t speak computer so I just pretended I understood and told him to do whatever hard-driving he needed to do to get it working again.

So, in the meantime I thought I would share a funny conversation I had on The Facebook the other night.  I only have my fam on The Facebook so this thread did have some family stuff in it that I removed.  “D” is my cousin’s daughter whom I will always refer to as one of my nieces and “M” is my cousin.  Female.   But you fuckers are smart and probably would have figured that out.  Please note that D doesn’t call me Aunt Heather but Crazy.   I love that.  Usually it’s Aunt Crazy. WTF, D?


ME: What a beautiful day it was! The sun was shining and it was great to have all the doors and windows open. Did a few loads of laundry, went foraging for food stuffs and bought a really cute summer top that, quite frankly, makes my boobs look fantastic.


D: Jesus……….lmao…. you are too much

ME:  Well Jesus probably doesn’t approve of my admiration of my own boobs. But someone has to appreciate them besides Bruce and my neighbors with binoculars.

D:  lmao you are cracking me up…

D:  When are you coming out here again?

M:  Does that shirt help all boobs sizes look amazingly big???

D:  oh lord Aunt M…. now you want one too I take it

ME:  D – I’ll be out in December for the wedding! Get ready! M – I’m positive it would! I’d post a pick but now that my dad is all Facebookin’ it up with your moms I don’t want to freak the little guy out!

D:  Who’s getting married in December? No one tells me anything I usually have to find out through my parents lol.

ME:  M and M. Or did I dream that in a cocktail induced euphoria??? A dress has been purchased and an event was created so, yeah, I think it’s a real thing. Kerr-ist girl, I live like 7 states away and I know this! (it might not be 7 but I don’t have a map in front of me. Shut up.)

D:  comment edited  You are too much Crazy. But good I am glad, I hope to get to spend more time with you when you come down.

comment removed because it’s family shit Internets

comment removed because, well you know why

M:  comment edited How did we get from a beautiful day to boobs to wedding? lol I love my family ♥

ME:  I’m all boobs, family and weddings all the time. I roll hard like that.

M:  You so need to be here for J’s graduation!!!

D:  comment removed

D:  SHE does!!!! I agree

D:  Get out her CRAZY!!!!!!!!!

D:  comment removed

ME:  I SOOO need to be there for a lot of events but stupid work and life and miles and stuff fuck with my great intentions. Not to worry though, I’m going to make my millions soon knitting hats. Yes, I knit. And crochet. I’m also a 75-year-old prairie wife from the 1940’s.

M:  comment removed

D:  comment removed

ME:  comment edited  Mo, you should come for a West coast visit with them… *wink wink winkety wink*

M:  I would love that!! I will start to play the lottery in hopes I can win big. Or maybe I’ll gamble a little this weekend before P’s graduation……You never know!

D:  I love you ladies!!

ME:  Hey, when did we stop talking about my boobs?

M:  Your boobs are fabulous!

D:  Yes they are just so WONDERFUL AND PERKY AND I am NOW leaving this conversation ‘cause its just weird…………….. lol …………. Just joking

ME:  My boobs apologize. I think. They only speak Amazing and I only speak Awesome. You’d think we would all get together on our communications but really when you think about it it’s two against one. On that note of weirdness, I’m out.  Good night you guys.  I feel for the people who stumble upon this thread over their morning coffee. Or Kahlua. Whichever. I don’t judge.

M:  Peace out!!

ME:  I’m totally posting this thread on my blog tomorrow.

Cheers ~ SF



Nothing New….Yet

I need some change, Internets.  I need to change where I’m able to write and I need to change the site that I write on.  So, I’m going to dedicate some time this weekend to doing just that.  I can no longer accept the bullshit that is me, on my sofa, hunched over my laptop on the coffee table, back aching while I write.  Or maybe I don’t really do that at all (except right now) and I just need to stop using work time to update this blog.  (Those mother-fuckers are gonna catch on someday, yo!)

I feel the need to tweak this sight just a bit as well.  And it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the work space should be addressed first.  You get me, Internets?

In the mean time, I posted some more crappy photos (one day I’ll stop calling them that) over on Worth 100 if you care to check them out.  There’s a Fatty McButterpants photo bomb by my asshole cat.  Just sayin’.

Cheers ~ SF


I Survived

Don't make fun of my beach snuggie. It was chilly so I stole it off of Murphy's bed.

Internets, I did it.  I survived 5 days with two teenage girls.  There were no injuries, no tattoos (dammit) and the only one who was caught with their hand in the liquor cabinet was me because, obviously.  Fun was had by all and I can honestly say I had a really great time with them.  We did a shit-ton of stuff and I will post some pictures and stories over on Worth 100 as soon as I get through sorting and editing the mess of pictures that I have to share with my family on The Facebook.

In other exciting news, I am a contributor to another blog: The Adventures of Pagan Kitty!  Before I go any further I feel I must give you the back-story on Pagan Kitty.  It’s pretty fucking awesome you guys.

Pagan Kitty

Back in October when life bitch-slapped my family and we lost our dear Shaun, I was a complete wreck and I voiced my pain to the Interwebs.  Well, someone heard me and recognized that pain.  She consoled me with her words and understanding.   And then she took it a step further.  She took something very near and dear to her heart and she sent it to me.  Me!  A complete stranger! 

Pagan Kitty is a funny card that someone gave to my now friend Boris’ mother just before she passed away.  Boris told me that she had carried it in her purse for 3+ years and it gave her great comfort.  She wanted me to feel some comfort during my painful time and that’s how I ended up with Pagan Kitty for a spell.  When I say a spell, I mean I just mailed her back yesterday.  For six months I’ve carried that card around with me and I indeed felt comforted.  Thank you, Boris.  You have no idea how that touched my cold, dark heart.  I will be forever thankful and I do in fact consider you a great friend.

I became somewhat very attached to Pagan Kitty and realized that I couldn’t let go of her forever so I made a replica.  PK has gone back to her rightful owner and now PK2 will see me the rest of the way. 

And then there were two.

Boris put up the website The Adventures of Pagan Kitty yesterday and the point is… well just go there and read about it because I posted there today.  It’s a work in progress so bear with us.  Maybe Pagan Kitty will go on to help comfort and watch over more people all over the world.  How fucking awesome would that be, Internets?

Cheers ~ SF

Aunt Crazy

I'm confused. Which one is the wrong way?

I may have gone and gotten myself in over my head with something, Internets.  This may be my last post ever.  Two of my teenage nieces are coming to stay with me from Colorado starting tomorrow and I fear that the responsibility of looking after two other lives might just be more than my fragile psyche can handle.    It’s quite possible that my insides will join forces with my brains and explode all over the damn place and that will be the end of ‘lil’ ol’ Sugar Free.

As most of you well know, I don’t have children because they scare the shit out of me.  Well, that or I’m a selfish asshole who cringes at thoughts of sacrificing cocktail hour and sleeping until whatever time I  feel like in order to like, you know, feed, clothe and generally keep another human being alive.  

But these are teenagers so I should be OK right, Internets?  I just need to leave a window cracked, some food out and the toilet seat up and they pretty much take care of themselves, yes? Oh, that’s dogs?  Fuck. 

I better get out of here and go spend the rest of my work day on The Google looking up information on teenagers and how to responsibly look after them because something tells me that it doesn’t include treating them as your personal bartender and using the word fuck 32 times in a conversation.

Wish me luck!

Cheers ~ SF

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