Tag Archives: christmas cards

I Seriously Could Not Think Of A Title For This Post

I was hoping this post would be a follow-up to my last post about Dr. McDoucheyfuck and his sexist note he sent with an employee to return to work.  And because you all know me for my hard-hitting, no-holds-barred, get the story at all costs journalism skills I did all I could do to find out what the doc’s response to my boss’s email inquiry about “women’s work” would be.  And when I say I did all I could do I mean I sat at my desk for the last two days eating Cheetos and looking at pictures of cats on the internet.  Nobody has said anything further on the matter so I’ll assume that he never responded.  Jerk.

Wanna talk about Christmas?  No?  Me either but we’re going to anyway. 

Bruce and I don’t really “do” Christmas.  Not because of any religious reasons, we just don’t really give a shit about it.  We do so much for ourselves and each other all year-long that we don’t feel the need to break the bank for a holiday that is marked with a questionable color scheme just because Wal-Mart says we should.  It just doesn’t mean anything to us.

I do, however, send cards to my family and his.  It’s just a nice thing to do and a way to say, “Hey.  I’m thinking about you. Merry Fucking Christmas!”  I don’t just send the card signed all generic either.  Nope, I like to put a little note in there saying how things are going and such.  OK, so I’ve only done that once and it was last year.  The point is, that I’d like to do it again this year.  The cards are all bought and let me just tell you they’re fucking awesome.   (There’s a Santa on a toilet!  Tee-hee.)  But that’s all I’m going to say because my family reads this nonsense that I write here.  I know.  I’m sure I’m making my mother proud.  Anyway, the problem I’m having is writing the note for the card considering the recent string of shittiness my family has endured and are still reeling from.

Here’s what I’ve got so far:

Dear 2011:  Go fuck yourself. ~ Love,  Me

But that’s not very Christmasy is it?  Let’s try again:

Well, 2011 was not an easy one, was it?  I know this Christmas season is going to be difficult for all of us considering the loss of Shaun.  I remember this feeling from last Christmas; our first after losing Bob…

What the fuck??  Was I thinking of mentioning death, not once, but twice in a Christmas card?  Backspace! Backspace!

I want to write something that’s cheerful and lighthearted with a bit of funny in it because I love my family and I want to cheer everyone up.  But how do I do that without sounding like I’m all tra-la-la-la-la-happy and not still sad?  Because I am still sad.  But I don’t want to send something that will make the recipient have a mother-fucking breakdown because it’s a recap of all of the things that have blown goats nuts this year. 


I need to go find a writer. 

Cheers ~ SF