I Found My Calling: Writing Recipes

Forgive me if I’m a bit scarce this week but have you read my banner?  That’s right Internets, it’s my mother-fucking birthday week.  Which my co-workers recognize and appreciate accordingly.

Custom birthday banner clearly identifying how many days I will talk about and celebrate my goddamn special day

Today I was outside having a smoke with the chick from payroll and she started yammering on about how she wasn’t sure if the chicken she took out for dinner that morning would be thawed when she got home.  I know, it was a thriller of a conversation. Somehow or other I told her about what I made for dinner one night while my mother was visiting.  Oh yeah, my mom was here for a visit.  There will be a post on that later.  There was a dog show involved.  Anyway, when I told Payroll Administrator what I made she said she wanted to write it down because it sounded delicious and easy and she could just stop at the store and grab the few ingredients needed.  I told her not to bother and that I would just email it to her when we went back in.  And because I’m nothing but professional at work I emailed her this recipe:

Subject: Sausage Onion &Pepper Goodness

 1 lb Italian Sausage (I prefer the hot) tee hee hee

1 Red Pepper

1 Green Pepper

1 Yellow or Orange Pepper

1 Medium onion

2-20 garlic cloves depending on if you want to get any action later that night

2 Tablespoons Tomato Paste

1 Large Loaf Crusty Bread (or hoagie rolls….whatevs)

A bunch-o-cheese (mozzarella, provolone, parm)


Brown sausage in large skillet

Cut peppers into ½ inch strips

Cut onion however the fuck you want

Microplane or finely dice garlic and add to sausage while browning (tubey garlic paste shit can be used here as well)

Make sure to keep stabbing the shit out of the sausage with a spoon while it’s cooking or you’ll end up with a big ass sausage brick (I swear that’s never happened to me.  I’ve never plopped the sausage into the skillet then walked away and forgot I was cooking only to come back to a sausage brick)  Shut up.

When sausage is thoroughly cooked add peppers and onion

When the veggies are cooked to your liking (soft but not mushy) add tomato paste

Stir all that good shit for a few minutes


Cut open crusty bread and cut the loaf in half.  Hollow that mo’ fo’ out.  Place in 9×13 baking pan or whatever you have on hand, Betty Crocker.  Put cheese on the bottom of the bread; add meat and veggie awesomeness, top with more delicious cheese.  Really, just cheese the shit out of that bitch.  Put under broiler for a few minutes to melt cheese.  Remove from oven. (obviously)


Enjoy that shit and think of Heather and how fucking awesome she is.   And it’s her birthday.


*If you are pressed for time or if you’re just a lazy-ass, skip the oven part and just yell at your husband, “Dinner’s ready mother-fucker!!!” and make him assemble his own damn sammich while you enjoy a cocktail and a smoke because you just slaved over the stove for like 12 minutes

Now here are some crappy pictures I took with my cell-phone.  (pictures were not included in email)

There was no coffee or toast served with this meal


I fucking love you.

Cheers ~ SF


About Noodles and Gin

I'm like a superhero, but with no powers or motivation. View all posts by Noodles and Gin

25 responses to “I Found My Calling: Writing Recipes

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