I have family coming to town today so I’ve been a bit busy being all domestic. You know, cleaning up all of the dead hookers. Just kidding! They’re not dead. Anyway, I haven’t had any time to post anything. And of course, while the fam is here, it will be the same story. So, I’m cheating just a bit today and re posting a fun little Q&A bit from a while back. I don’t want to be a complete post-cheating bastard, though, so I put a little something extra at the end for you, Internets. Because I’m a giver and it’s the right thing to do.
Originally posted February 24th 2011
I was tagged by the extraordinary Vinny over at As Vinny C’s It for a game of Twenty Questions Minus One. What the…? That’s just 19 questions. Why the hell are we calling it something more complicated than it actually is? Let me start again.
I was tagged by the extraordinary Vinny over at As Vinny C’s for a game of Nineteen Questions! How exciting. Let’s get this bitch started!
- If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are they members of your family? – Family. But cooler than children because I can go away for a weekend and just leave the toilet seat open and know that they are ok.
- If you can have a dream come true, what would it be? – That one where Johnny Depp comes to have dinner at my house and saves that kid from choking by giving him the Heimlich maneuver then carries me off to bed to ravage me. Wait maybe that was a music video and not a dream. Or maybe it’s both.
- What is the one thing most hated by you? – Bitches who fuck with my family.
- What would you do with a billion dollars? – Anything that I wanted and it wouldn’t even matter if it was on the very fringes of being legal because, hey, I’ve got a billion dollars.
- What helps to pull you out of a bad mood? – Cocktails and porno movies. Just kidding! Cocktails and my husband dancing like a monkey. It’s a sight to behold.
- Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone? – This is a tricky question. It depends on the person you are trying to love. Some people make it difficult to love them. Ever had an addict in your family? And some people you just don’t want them loving you; like your Sneaky Uncle.
- What is your bedtime routine? – Brush teeth. Wash face. Gather up the kitties. Get under covers. Make blanket-tent with knees bent. Force kitties into tent. Read. Sleep.
- If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner? – You can read all about that here.
- If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be? – Bob Ross. Shit. I guess we’ve all seen that.
- What kinds of books do you read? – Right now I’m on an Anne Rule true crime extravaganza of the Kindle kind.
- How would you see yourself in ten years time? – Older.
- What’s your fear? – Living long enough to have to wear adult diapers.
- Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space? – Fuck. No. I think we’re wasting our time and money with this space exploration bullshit. Humans are clearly not meant to be in outer space. Have you seen that pee suction thing they have to use up there so that they aren’t floating around in a piss storm? Gross.
- Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor? – Don’t try to trick me in to sounding shallow. I’d divorce my husband tomorrow for that billion dollars we talked about earlier. Wait, I meant to say, how poor are we talking? Like cardboard box in an alley poor, or no Belvedere vodka poor?
- What’s the first thing you do when you wake up? – Smack a cat. For reals. That bitch is usually the reason I’m awake before I have to be because she’s pawing at the window shades next to my bed looking for Squirrels. It’s winter, Fatty! They’re fucking hibernating! **SMACK**
- If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be? – If I could change anything? He would not be a Radiohead fan. Ish.
- If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be? – Jezebel Van Buren. No hesitation.
- Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done? – That’s too vague. Knock up a hooker? Give me some time, I’ll get over it. Put the easy-squeeze ketchup back in the fridge upside down? Get the fuck out. Now.
- If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be? – Well whatever I choose I’m fucked because I’m clearly not going to be getting balanced nutrition. So let’s pretend that what I pick has all the vitamins and minerals and healthy goodness and…..oh who am I kidding? It’s macaroni and cheese. Ok?
Be back in a few days!